Sunday, June 13, 2010

I THOUGHT I WAS OVER HIM

OKAY, I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS OVER MR. LEE. I HONESTLY THOUGHT I WAS. WELL AFTER SEVENTEEN YEARS OF GOING THROUGH ALL KINDS OF HELL WITH THIS MAN, I FOUND OUT I AM NOT OVER HIM. SEEMS CRAZY, OR HAVE I LOST MY MIND TO SOMETHING I WISH FOR. I'VE GOT THE SWEETEST MAN ON EARTH NOW, HE WORKS VERY HARD AND HE LOVES ME IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING, SO WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON IN MY HEAD. OR IS IT MY HEART THAT WANTS TO TAKE CONTROL AGAIN. I'VE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD WITH MR. LEE FAR TOO LONG. I KNOW THE PAIN AND I KNOW THE OUTCOME IF I DECIED TO SET MYSELF UP IN HIS TRAP. PAIN AND MORE PAIN. THOUGHT I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS TYPE OF MADNESS. I DON'T WANT TO BE USED ANY MORE. I CAN'T PLAY THE STREET GAME ANYMORE. TOO OLD FOR THIS. AND BESIDES, I WROTE THE PLAYERS MANUAL AND BROKE ALL THE RULES IN THE PROCESS. OKAY, I GOT IT. I CAN'T GO BACKWARDS AND MOVE FORWARD AT THE SAME TIME.

TODAY, THINKING OF PAST LOVES IS NOT A BAD THING, JUST DON'T ACT ON THE THOUGHT. REMEMBER THE PAIN AND THE PRICE YOU HAD TO PAY IN ORDER TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM YOU NOW HAVE.

NEVER GO BACK

FOR SOME ODD RESON OR ANOTHER I CAN'T SEEM TO GO BACK TO THE WAY I USE TO DO THINGS. THAT'S GOOD FOR ME TO FINALLY TO COME TO GRIPS THAT MY OLD MIND SET IS FADING AWAY. I NOW HAVE A MIND TO THINK THOUGHTS THAT WILL ENHANCE THE TRUE BEAUTY INSIDE. IT WAS NOT EASY FOR ME TO GET TO THIS PLACE IN MY LIFE, BECAUSE FOR SO LONG I WANTED TO FORGET. FORGET MY PAST, FORGET THE PAIN, FORGET HOW USELESS I HAD BECOME AND FORGET THE WAY WAS TREATING MYSELF. I DID THIS BY SMOKING CRACK DAY IN AND DAY OUT FOR YEARS! YEAH, JUST TRYING TO FORGET HAD BECOME A FULL TIME JOB! SO GLAD THAT PORTION OF MY DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR IS GONE! PRAISE GOD! WHEW.

TODAY, I THINK THOUGHTS THAT HELP ME MOVE FORWARD.